A relapse in old behaviour patterns
(This blog article is from January 26, 2023.)
Sometimes things happen that might invoke a relapse in old behaviour patterns. Well, yesterday, I was reminded how easy it could be to show older emotional reactions.
I had received a text message consisting of ten words, reminding me of my responsibilities as a child and caretaker. It had almost dragged me into the old conditioning pattern, triggering a maze of emotional reactions which were linked to painful memories, imprinted by a narcissist.
At this point in time, the disentanglement of a situation that had been ruling my life for 17 years, worked it’s magic. The veil of innuendo’s, manipulations, and poignant situations was lifted, revealing the real cause.
Till September 2020, the complicated family situation had masked the complex entanglement and only the passing of several loved ones allowed the manipulative behavioural patterns of the narcissist to become more outspoken. Observation the behaviour revealed the destructiveness of her mental disorder.
Empaths have the natural tendency to heal people, especially those close to them. But when you’re entangled in a narcissistic web, you can observe its impact, but you’ll never be unable to detach yourself from the vicious cycle to see the bigger picture, until you’re forced to take a step back.
I was forced to do so.
Coaching
The training trajectory as coach, emphasizes the importance of reserving time to write down your thoughts or find a way to ventilate them in order to identify triggers that keep you imprisoned in your old behaviour patterns. There different steps in this process are:
- Become conscious of the situation
In this case, I needed to be reminded of the impact of words and especially who spoke them.
With this text message, she almost took what she needed, oblivious of the consequences.
If I were unbalanced, I would have absorbed her emotional energy as a sponge, potentially showing the same behaviour as the perpetrator. I would have lost myself in het hopelessness of the situation and disassociation would have been difficult.
2. Take a step back, observe your own feelings and emotional responses and reflect on them.
The conditioning pattern triggered guilt and the emotional impulse come to ‘rescue’ her came into my mind.
Several people over time, have reminded me about the impact my Nemesis had on me and the importance of making healthy choices.
In the blogpost about the ethics of choices, the conclusion was that one has to prioritize selfcare in a healthy way, before one can take care of others. That remains crucial for everyone.
3. After you become aware of the aspects, make conscious choices and put them into action.
In this situation, I have chosen not sustain the contact, considering all the consequences for me and others and the necessary steps to put them into action
It will always remains a difficult balance, growing as a human on one hand, step by step through trail and error and taking ethical actions and putting them into actions at the other.
I feel guilty about the wheels I’ve put into motion, but the self-preservation remains a necessity. Needless to say that it will take time to mourn.
Finishing this blogpost, the words of friends keep on echoing through my head.
- You can choose to step out of the victim role.
- You were a victim, a survivor and today you’re thriving.
- I will take time to heal all wounds.
Good support really helps. In my case, the relentless support from friends, partner, therapists and coaches have transformed me into the man I’m today, although one only realises the deeper meaning of their words and deeds afterwards.
This blog is dedicated to Kimerley, Peter, Marc, Katrien and many others who have helped me through difficult times..
The be-all and end-all, it was up to me to make the fundamental choices and see them through, whatever the consequences.
Patrick, (January, 26, 2023)
