Secure Love Connections: How to Stay Safe While Dating Online

As last topic for now in the series of cybercrimes, I would like to discuss online dating.

For most singles, the longing to truly connect to someone is very strong and let’s be honest with ourselves, in most cases people prefer to connect to a social group. that helps us to find meaningful connections and by itself, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Although that longing could become a vulnerability online. Some people, especially on social media, are approached by people with questionable intentions. It could be real, but it could also be an attempt to romantic fishing with the intent to financially extort you and it all starts with a little message saying ‘Hi’.

• Communication
• Manipulative Language
• Summary

Online communication will be mostly happen through messages on WhatsApp where the conversation will be building up trust for a few weeks. In what might seem to be a genuine conversation, they will start to reveal some details about themselves.

Details you won’t be able to verify, they could use real photos, or stolen ones from another profile on social media to build a fake identity. As the conversation evolves, you will start to lower your guard, become more trusting and… start ignoring the red flags. They will start to inquire about your personal situation, mostly ending up asking questions about your financial state.

When they feel that the bond of trust is secure enough, they will try to coerce you. Some could request money to travel to you, saying they want to ‘surprise’ you, being seductive (especially towards men) and inviting you to a romantic encounter.

Others might invite you to invest… The scamming options are endless and are only limited to the inspirational capability of the crook.

Most of us, but especially HSPs and empaths, are empathic towards a sad situation, a sad story, something difficult that has happened… and cybercriminals, next to devising fake identities (or stolen ones for that matter) are skilled manipulators, maybe even possessing some narcissistic traits.

When it comes down to creating clarity in that mist, remember the abbreviation FOG. It stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt which are strategies often used in manipulation.

Some scammers will manipulate peoples feelings, invoking: 

Fear: When someone else tries to invoke a kind of fear, by threatening to do something harmful.

Obligation: This type of manipulation involves someone telling you that you have no choice but to do or not do something. You are being coerced, you have no option, and you have been robbed of your freedom.

Guilt: Someone’s behaviour in which they try to instil a guilty feeling within you if you do or do not do something they want. When you are oblivious to the manipulation of even blackmail, it literally takes away all your strength and freedom.

The most important part to step out of this suffocating feeling is recognise the pattern, create an objective attitude and device a strategy to avoid the drama triangle. (Read more about it in this blogpost)

To exemplify multiple strategies used by scammers, I invite you to listen to 5 podcasts published by the BBC Radio 4 on the following link:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/m0025bzh

As you have heard, it becomes difficult to trust people online. If you were to engage in such a communication, build in a healthy validation strategy:

• When you start to read the messages, look at the spelling, the content, at what your correspondent ignores. You can share personal details, but make sure that they aren’t related to your personal situation where someone can derive potential password combinations or the time that you’re ‘busy’ or can cause harm to people you love.
• Photos can also be a trap. There are multiple techniques to embed a virus into a photo. When you would open them, there might a high probability that a trojan is installed on your computer like remote desktop software of a keylogger (software that monitors your keystrokes).
• If you’re contacted by a phone number on WhatsApp, remember that Meta doesn’t maintain that platform and the number could be fake. Check the number online and call it. If it’s disconnected… the probability to be swindled increases exponentially.
• Ask for a video communication after a few days, if that person is unwilling or asking money… disconnect immediately. If they are willing, look at the quality and listen to their accent, if it doesn’t sound from the location they’re calling… it tells more than you might think.

Even though this strategy might help you to filter out a few scammers, do you really want to connect romantically online in this manner?

Or would you prefer to use verified sites and actually leave these ‘questionable’ men or woman behind you? If you’re dating, always follow the logical dating steps:

• Exchange messages up to the point where you have a phone call. Give your phone number only if you really feel comfortable, because it the second step in the bond.
• After a few phone calls, meet up in real life for a romantic date.
• Build the trust within the relationship with validated facts. If it sparks off a romantic relationship, great. If it doesn’t there’s no real harm done.
• Remark: Never get drawn into financial commitment unless you’re a 100% sure.

If you should consider online dating, use common sense instead of following your longings.

Cybercriminals will always be ready to lure into traps, be prepared for them. In the end, who wants to be violated in their true inner values or end up being disappointed, feeling hurt or being exploited?

Dating online, especially internationally, will always contain certain risks. If you should require assistance to do so safely, just reach out to me and we will explore your options together (in the sense of cyber safety, for solid dating advice, I will refer you to other specialised coaches).